Monday, May 24, 2010

Are We Either Crone or Cougar? Madonna or Whore?

For centuries women have been labeled. And we're still doing it today! 

Comments received from my first blog (May 17, 2010) varied from "You go, girl," to "The attributes of Cougar are negative; I would never consider being a Cougar."

I prefer to share the positive attributes of a Cougar: Strong, Defender of self and family against predators, Graceful.

WHY IS IT THAT ...
A woman of a certain age is often labeled a Crone or a Cougar.Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) labels Crone as an old woman who is usually disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructing. Hmmm... sounds like a former mother-in-law. Wikipedia goes on to say that a Crone is marginalized by her exclusion from the reproductive cycle, and ...as a character type, the crone shares characteristics with the hag. No thankee... I'll pass on that one!

 Linda Lowen, writing for About.com, says, "Although the term 'cougar' has become synonymous with older women who date younger men, its predatory image is neither accurate nor acceptable in the opinion of many women tagged with the label."(http://womensissues.about.com/od/womensbodiesminds/a/DontCallMeaCougar.htm), She goes on to say, "It's a stereotype of a woman who's looking for younger men for casual sex which is how the term started originally. I think there's so much more to it than that. The attraction is an enormous part a relationship but sometimes two people can be attracted to each other because they have so much in common." If labels are necessary, I prefer being called Cougar.

When I was growing up there was the whole stereotype of Madonna/Whore. Having religious undertones, this label caused a large population of sexually frustrated people (both men AND women) who were raised to believe that sexual activity or just being sexy is a dirty and shameful act, and a society where both men and women have been led to believe that women have to either be complete prudes or totally promiscuous. You can read more on the Urban Dictionary site:(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=madonna-whore%20complex). In the 1950s, what girl wanted to be labeled a whore! So, many of us were labeled Madonnas (keep in mind, this was before Madonna, the ultimate Cougar, hit the pop scene). This stereotype did little to mitigate the growing divorce rate in the 1970s -- and probably did help to encourage the sexual revolution.

Maybe it's time to just drop labels and stereotypes and let people be individuals.  However, if a woman chooses a younger mate and Cougar is the best name we can come up with, let it be.

COUGAR BEAUTY TIP
When I was in my teens, like many young women growing up in the 1950s and '60s, my BFF (today's teen speak for Best Friend Forever) and I would bake for hours in the sun. Bad move, because now I have pores  large as potholes. But tanned, taut skin is often considered an asset, even today. Taut is still a fighting-the-battle issue for me, but with self-tanners we can all look marvelously tanned --  minus the crone.

I'm not into being tanned year-round. Ye Gads, last I looked there's no Sugar Daddy in sight and I want to look like I attempt to work for a living. But, come the warmer months I want my legs to look less like marshmallows and more like legs a Cougar would be proud of. So, around mid-May I begin flirting with self-tanners.

This year I think I've found self-tanner Nirvana. It comes at a price (however, it's less than a salon spray tan). Clarins Delicious Self Tanning Cream ($42.00 at www.Amazon.com, www.Sephora.com and major department stores) is my go-to self-tanner in a jar. It smells great. It feels like whipped cream when applied. It has a built-in glow from moisturizers and it goes on evenly because there's cocoa in the mix. The cocoa blend also provides an instant "tan." The only downside is you have to wait about 20 minutes to a half hour before dressing. I slather it on sparingly before applying makeup and then get dressed.

With love
I, Cougar
Marilyn

Monday, May 17, 2010

This is my first time, so be understanding

Okay, My first evah post. Be kind. Be generous. Tell me what you'd like me to do!

Right now life for Cougars is dangerous. According to this Sunday's (May 16, 2010) New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/16/fashion/16cougar.htm, Google has recently deemed Cougar dating sites “non-family safe,” and therefore its ads for such sites containing the word “cougar” will not be allowed on so-called content pages. There's a lot of controversy as to why. Much of it explained in the NY Times article.

Mostly, I believe it's the same old double standard baby-boomer women have been experiencing since before the Revolution (i.e., the 1970s Women's Liberation Movement, second only to the first, which was when women were given the right to vote).

Enough kvetching.  This blog is not going to be about picking scabs covering old wounds. It's going to be fun, irreverent, and talk about the vanities, delights, downsides and, yes, worrisome concerns I've had (and still have) as a Cougar (yep, I'll talk about keeping saggy triceps and other saggy parts in place).

My Cougar life began in 1997 when I started dating a man who is 16 years younger than me. Sixteen years ago the term Cougar didn't exist. Although, as the foremother of it all, Cher was doin' it. What's happened in those 16 years and what's happening now will be the theme of my blog. Please sign in and sign up. Invite your friends. Invite your enemies. Invite your frenemies. Share your thoughts with others. Because, despite the warning label, I do not think Cougars will vanishing any time soon.

To life after sugar daddy,
Marilyn