Are We Either Crone or Cougar? Madonna or Whore?

For centuries women have been labeled. And we're still doing it today! 

Comments received from my first blog (May 17, 2010) varied from "You go, girl," to "The attributes of Cougar are negative; I would never consider being a Cougar."

I prefer to share the positive attributes of a Cougar: Strong, Defender of self and family against predators, Graceful.

WHY IS IT THAT ...
A woman of a certain age is often labeled a Crone or a Cougar.Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) labels Crone as an old woman who is usually disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructing. Hmmm... sounds like a former mother-in-law. Wikipedia goes on to say that a Crone is marginalized by her exclusion from the reproductive cycle, and ...as a character type, the crone shares characteristics with the hag. No thankee... I'll pass on that one!

 Linda Lowen, writing for About.com, says, "Although the term 'cougar' has become synonymous with older women who date younger men, its predatory image is neither accurate nor acceptable in the opinion of many women tagged with the label."(http://womensissues.about.com/od/womensbodiesminds/a/DontCallMeaCougar.htm), She goes on to say, "It's a stereotype of a woman who's looking for younger men for casual sex which is how the term started originally. I think there's so much more to it than that. The attraction is an enormous part a relationship but sometimes two people can be attracted to each other because they have so much in common." If labels are necessary, I prefer being called Cougar.

When I was growing up there was the whole stereotype of Madonna/Whore. Having religious undertones, this label caused a large population of sexually frustrated people (both men AND women) who were raised to believe that sexual activity or just being sexy is a dirty and shameful act, and a society where both men and women have been led to believe that women have to either be complete prudes or totally promiscuous. You can read more on the Urban Dictionary site:(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=madonna-whore%20complex). In the 1950s, what girl wanted to be labeled a whore! So, many of us were labeled Madonnas (keep in mind, this was before Madonna, the ultimate Cougar, hit the pop scene). This stereotype did little to mitigate the growing divorce rate in the 1970s -- and probably did help to encourage the sexual revolution.

Maybe it's time to just drop labels and stereotypes and let people be individuals.  However, if a woman chooses a younger mate and Cougar is the best name we can come up with, let it be.

COUGAR BEAUTY TIP
When I was in my teens, like many young women growing up in the 1950s and '60s, my BFF (today's teen speak for Best Friend Forever) and I would bake for hours in the sun. Bad move, because now I have pores  large as potholes. But tanned, taut skin is often considered an asset, even today. Taut is still a fighting-the-battle issue for me, but with self-tanners we can all look marvelously tanned --  minus the crone.

I'm not into being tanned year-round. Ye Gads, last I looked there's no Sugar Daddy in sight and I want to look like I attempt to work for a living. But, come the warmer months I want my legs to look less like marshmallows and more like legs a Cougar would be proud of. So, around mid-May I begin flirting with self-tanners.

This year I think I've found self-tanner Nirvana. It comes at a price (however, it's less than a salon spray tan). Clarins Delicious Self Tanning Cream ($42.00 at www.Amazon.com, www.Sephora.com and major department stores) is my go-to self-tanner in a jar. It smells great. It feels like whipped cream when applied. It has a built-in glow from moisturizers and it goes on evenly because there's cocoa in the mix. The cocoa blend also provides an instant "tan." The only downside is you have to wait about 20 minutes to a half hour before dressing. I slather it on sparingly before applying makeup and then get dressed.

With love
I, Cougar
Marilyn