Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
iCougar at the Zoo
Despite the heat, a Cougar's got to roam. Last week, I went to the zoo (in this economy, the zoo's pretty much my idea of roaming). A thermometer near the chilled arctic bears preserve registered a stultifying 85-degrees in the shade.
On a typical day in July the zoo is pretty much a vast, arid territory surrounded by blazing hot concrete outdoors and acrid indoor areas with examples of wildlife we'd only see in Africa, India, etc. This summer, though, is one for the record books. Long, hot days of 90+ temps and little rain make tempers flare as quickly as BBQ grills on a summer evening in the suburbs.
So, why did I suggest the zoo to Sweet Cub (SC) on a day when sweating was pretty much the only activity man or beast was capable of performing?
Well, you see, I thought it was necessary to see my four-legged counterpart in action. "Let's go to the zoo to visit cougars in their natural habitat," I asked to SC. "I have a better idea," he said. "Let's stay in your comfortably cooled condo and watch lions and tigers and bears on the Nature Channel, instead."
Ugh. After working at a computer all week, the last thing I wanted to do was stay indoors on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. But SC wouldn't budge from his microfiber lair, no matter how much I offered to stroke and groom. So, I did what any self-respecting Cougar would do. I left him in his den and took off for adventure.
When I got to the zoo a posted sign said, Due to the heatwave, animals with available facilities will be housed indoors.
"Well, that's good," I thought. "This way the animals can escape from the heat."
Um, no. Four-legged cougars (and other four-legged species) kept indoors are privy to small cages and a dank, humid, smelly environment. Nothing like the vast plains they're used to outside of captivity, they pace back and forth, their haunches raised in disgust, looking like prisoners too long away from the freedom we all cherish. Captivity. It hit me like an unexpected sucker punch. No Cougar, human or four-legged wants to be held captive. And perhaps that is the essence of Cougardom.
Human Cougars are not against marriage (it certainly has its place for young, traditional people who want to raise a family). But, for the most part, Cougars have paired off, raised their young, and really don't want to be tied by the bonds of marriage anymore. Maybe that's why Cougars "in the wild" are so feared? The fear is they'll pounce on the marriageable young males and ruins the chances for domestic-minded females who are more interested in family life.
Let me reassure all you young females. If a male wants to run off and get married, we human Cougars will pack his lunch, send him off and wish him well.
Thus, I learned something from my trip to the zoo. Human Cougars, just like their four-legged counterparts, have earned their freedom to run off -- to the zoo, with friends, or to Africa -- and leave the Cubs behind to do what Cubs need to do.
WHY IS IT THAT...
I didn't realize before my zoo a-ha, that the best part of being a Cougar is not the idea of tracking young Cubs, but the idea that I'm free to roam, alone or in female packs, as I please? Perhaps I've just been too domesticated by earlier relationship bonds (i.e., marriage), and I'm way out of line about marriage in the 21st century? Do you think that marriage today is more open to personal exploration?
Hoping that all your pursuits expand the wonderment of living -- and always with love,
Marilyn
On a typical day in July the zoo is pretty much a vast, arid territory surrounded by blazing hot concrete outdoors and acrid indoor areas with examples of wildlife we'd only see in Africa, India, etc. This summer, though, is one for the record books. Long, hot days of 90+ temps and little rain make tempers flare as quickly as BBQ grills on a summer evening in the suburbs.
So, why did I suggest the zoo to Sweet Cub (SC) on a day when sweating was pretty much the only activity man or beast was capable of performing?
Well, you see, I thought it was necessary to see my four-legged counterpart in action. "Let's go to the zoo to visit cougars in their natural habitat," I asked to SC. "I have a better idea," he said. "Let's stay in your comfortably cooled condo and watch lions and tigers and bears on the Nature Channel, instead."
Ugh. After working at a computer all week, the last thing I wanted to do was stay indoors on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. But SC wouldn't budge from his microfiber lair, no matter how much I offered to stroke and groom. So, I did what any self-respecting Cougar would do. I left him in his den and took off for adventure.
When I got to the zoo a posted sign said, Due to the heatwave, animals with available facilities will be housed indoors.
"Well, that's good," I thought. "This way the animals can escape from the heat."
Um, no. Four-legged cougars (and other four-legged species) kept indoors are privy to small cages and a dank, humid, smelly environment. Nothing like the vast plains they're used to outside of captivity, they pace back and forth, their haunches raised in disgust, looking like prisoners too long away from the freedom we all cherish. Captivity. It hit me like an unexpected sucker punch. No Cougar, human or four-legged wants to be held captive. And perhaps that is the essence of Cougardom.
Human Cougars are not against marriage (it certainly has its place for young, traditional people who want to raise a family). But, for the most part, Cougars have paired off, raised their young, and really don't want to be tied by the bonds of marriage anymore. Maybe that's why Cougars "in the wild" are so feared? The fear is they'll pounce on the marriageable young males and ruins the chances for domestic-minded females who are more interested in family life.
Let me reassure all you young females. If a male wants to run off and get married, we human Cougars will pack his lunch, send him off and wish him well.
Thus, I learned something from my trip to the zoo. Human Cougars, just like their four-legged counterparts, have earned their freedom to run off -- to the zoo, with friends, or to Africa -- and leave the Cubs behind to do what Cubs need to do.
WHY IS IT THAT...
I didn't realize before my zoo a-ha, that the best part of being a Cougar is not the idea of tracking young Cubs, but the idea that I'm free to roam, alone or in female packs, as I please? Perhaps I've just been too domesticated by earlier relationship bonds (i.e., marriage), and I'm way out of line about marriage in the 21st century? Do you think that marriage today is more open to personal exploration?
Hoping that all your pursuits expand the wonderment of living -- and always with love,
Marilyn
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Meeting Encounters of the Third Kind
Whether you're Cougar or not, meeting your sig-other's family, friends, frenemies or what have you is jam-packed with all kinds of emo (ammo?).
SC and I had already been through that first-meeting-gulp-fest between his mom and me, followed by SC and my son. But, meeting the family of a former husband? Now, that's something I wouldn't want to be put through -- even if I were as steely-hearted as OJ Simpson after bail was denied. Is this an encounter that's somewhere out there, even for a Cougar relationship?
I was thrilled to be invited to the graduation cookout of my former husband's grandson. I've remained in touch with former husband's kids and looked forward to the party.
Even tho' I thought meeting the family of a former husband is kinda' lame, I asked SC if he wanted to come along with me, never expecting he would say yes (see 'graph #2 above). The cookout was scheduled for Sunday -- our special day together, so I thought it would be rude not to ask if SC would like to join me. To say I would be shocked if he said yes is like saying I would be shocked if LeBron James came back to Cleveland to play for the Cavaliers and we won the championship title next year. Both scenarios would leave me speechless.
He said, "Yes." I was speechless.
Background and Spoiler Alert: Former husband and I had been married for 15 years. It was a second marriage for both. Our divorce was not the "let's remain friends despite our differences" kind; more like the split between Soviet Union and U.S. circa 1953. SC knew all the sordid details of the breakup and that I remained in touch with former husband's kids, his sister. And his first wife. (Don't ask. It's really quite harmless and a lot less interesting than it sounds.) "Why," I asked myself, "did SC want to meet former husband's family? Perversity? Curiosity? A desire to spend every possible minute with me (sigh)?
So, being a strong believer in open communication, I asked SC why he wanted to come with me. "Just curious," he said. "They were all a part of your life and I'm curious to see why they still remain a part of your life after all these years."
Ye Gads! No wonder I love this guy. He's honest, normal, and very open about his feelings.
We went. We ate. He met. No big deal. Except one thing: SC really liked former husband's first wife. Has this Cougar bitten off more than she can chew?
WHY IS IT THAT...
...relationships are all pretty much the same, but the devil is in the details? Every relationship, whether straight, gay, Cougar, older or younger, has its universal ups and downs. Some moments, passionate about one another; other moments, we can't understand why we stay. Yet, how each couple handles their differences or disagreements remains a mystery to other couples, who might handle the same difference in an entirely different way. Would you have invited your partner to the party, even though it might have turned out to be very uncomfortable?
With love and hope that all your encounters are lovable, laughable and long-lived,
Marilyn
SC and I had already been through that first-meeting-gulp-fest between his mom and me, followed by SC and my son. But, meeting the family of a former husband? Now, that's something I wouldn't want to be put through -- even if I were as steely-hearted as OJ Simpson after bail was denied. Is this an encounter that's somewhere out there, even for a Cougar relationship?
I was thrilled to be invited to the graduation cookout of my former husband's grandson. I've remained in touch with former husband's kids and looked forward to the party.
Even tho' I thought meeting the family of a former husband is kinda' lame, I asked SC if he wanted to come along with me, never expecting he would say yes (see 'graph #2 above). The cookout was scheduled for Sunday -- our special day together, so I thought it would be rude not to ask if SC would like to join me. To say I would be shocked if he said yes is like saying I would be shocked if LeBron James came back to Cleveland to play for the Cavaliers and we won the championship title next year. Both scenarios would leave me speechless.
He said, "Yes." I was speechless.
Background and Spoiler Alert: Former husband and I had been married for 15 years. It was a second marriage for both. Our divorce was not the "let's remain friends despite our differences" kind; more like the split between Soviet Union and U.S. circa 1953. SC knew all the sordid details of the breakup and that I remained in touch with former husband's kids, his sister. And his first wife. (Don't ask. It's really quite harmless and a lot less interesting than it sounds.) "Why," I asked myself, "did SC want to meet former husband's family? Perversity? Curiosity? A desire to spend every possible minute with me (sigh)?
So, being a strong believer in open communication, I asked SC why he wanted to come with me. "Just curious," he said. "They were all a part of your life and I'm curious to see why they still remain a part of your life after all these years."
Ye Gads! No wonder I love this guy. He's honest, normal, and very open about his feelings.
We went. We ate. He met. No big deal. Except one thing: SC really liked former husband's first wife. Has this Cougar bitten off more than she can chew?
WHY IS IT THAT...
...relationships are all pretty much the same, but the devil is in the details? Every relationship, whether straight, gay, Cougar, older or younger, has its universal ups and downs. Some moments, passionate about one another; other moments, we can't understand why we stay. Yet, how each couple handles their differences or disagreements remains a mystery to other couples, who might handle the same difference in an entirely different way. Would you have invited your partner to the party, even though it might have turned out to be very uncomfortable?
With love and hope that all your encounters are lovable, laughable and long-lived,
Marilyn
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Do Cougars Have Too Much Nurture in Their DNA?
A lot has been written about Cougars. But no one's ever suggested that Cougars choose younger men because they have too much nurture in their genes or that Cubs choose Cougars because they kinda' like that a Cougar looks after her Cub. (Actually, a lot more's been said about Cougar's catering to other Cub fantasies. If you're looking for more on that just Google "Cougar Dating".)
But I've heard more than one Cub say he prefers older women because:
WHY IS IT THAT...
...some women never outgrow the need to raise Cubs and others are content to just hang out with the rest of the Cougar pack? I sometimes think it would be easier to just buy a pet iguana to care for.
With love and hope that, by now, you've found yourself,
Marilyn
But I've heard more than one Cub say he prefers older women because:
- Cougars are less demanding (i.e., if Cubs want to drink beer nightly with their pack of fellow Cubs, go to it -- we've lives of our own)
- Cougars know what they want and express their feelings up front (i.e., no Cougar worth her eyeliner's gonna ask if she can buy a $300 pair of shoes, and if a Cougar's interested in you -- she'll let you know -- no mind games in the Cougar den)
- They're more confident (see above)
- Cougars are generally settled in a career and live quite comfortably on their own income (i.e., they're more than happy to split the bill, or pick up the whole damn thing. And they never ask their Cubs for the $300 for those shoes.)
WHY IS IT THAT...
...some women never outgrow the need to raise Cubs and others are content to just hang out with the rest of the Cougar pack? I sometimes think it would be easier to just buy a pet iguana to care for.
With love and hope that, by now, you've found yourself,
Marilyn
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Sweet Cub Gets Down 'n Dirty
The other day I complained to Sweet Cub (SC) about a nasty pain down my right leg. "Gawd, I hope this goes away soon," I said. "If not, I may wind up with a limp."
Darling SC looked up from his newspaper and said, "You're just old, sweetheart. Nothing to worry about."
Nothing to worry about! Here's this man 16 years younger than me telling me I'm just old. I wanted to kick him out of the soft microfiber sofa he was sitting on and slam the door on his soon-to-be-sagging ass. The nerve! Telling me it's just old age. But, wait, he's right. Aching bones and swollen joints are part of old age. So rather than dump him I instead decided to grill him.
Do I look old? Do I seem old to him? Are my looks fading faster than a five dollar bill in a gambler's pocket?
"Babe, you look fabulous," he said. "But your outward appearance can't erase the fact that you're aging."
He said this as a matter of fact, and his eyes showed such warmth and love that I had to concede defeat. Ugh, I was aging. Yup, I was aging. But the good news is, so is he. Granted, SC will never catch up to me, but he won't remain that sweet bird of youth forever. And then it hit me, the reason SC and I mesh so well is that he's always been an "old man" while I've always been more of an adventurer -- unwilling to give in to circumstances and willing to try new things.
Amanda Redman, an aging (52) but still quite beautiful British actress, summed up quite well why her 12 year Cougar relationship with 40-year-old mobile phone designer Damian Schnabel works for both of them. She says that Schnabel provides the maturity in their relationship, allowing her to indulge her more childish side. "He's far more grown-up than me and that works brilliantly. To have someone who's more mature than me in every way apart from physically is marvellous, frankly," said Redman.
I was struck by Redman's comment, because it fit our relationship so well. SC may be younger in years but in some ways he's older than I am. I'll likely catch up to him and slow down, too. But, not right now.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Are Cougars Vampires in Disguise?
It's not just teenagers fascinated with vampires and the whole damn vamp culture.
We're all bitten by the lure of vampires in books, on TV and in the movies to the tune of millions reading The Passage by Justin Cronin and viewing True Blood and The Twilight Saga. (Is it the third or fourth in the Twilight series?)
We're all bitten by the lure of vampires in books, on TV and in the movies to the tune of millions reading The Passage by Justin Cronin and viewing True Blood and The Twilight Saga. (Is it the third or fourth in the Twilight series?)
The subject of vampires came up among a group of friends who range in age from late 40s to mid 60s. They, like our entire nation, are intrigued by vampires. Why? Well, according to Wikipedia, "The continuing popularity of the vampire theme has been ascribed to a combination of two factors: the representation of sexuality and the perennial dread of mortality." No wonder we're intrigued. Our national obsession with sexuality and how to remain young (i.e., mortality) makes vampire lusting almost instinctive. Sexuality and mortality? The two (often declining) powers fearlessly sought by most people over 35. (I do not need to go into detail here, do I?)
Following this description of vampires, I checked out the term Cougar in the Urban Dictionary [http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cougar]. Among its friendlier references, Urban Dictionary says a Cougar is "...A woman in her sexual prime who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted. A cougar's victims are usually under 25, as cougars prefer to mate with men who still have hair. Cougars generally feed and then continue hunting, as they enjoy role reversal." (Italics, mine.)
Is that, then, the fear and the lure of Cougars? Are we afraid of, and also do we shy away from the Cougar within us because we are attracted/repelled by the possibilities of Cougardom? Is it our puritanical beliefs that, once a woman reaches 35 her sexuality and her mortality are seriously on the decline?
I've got to tell you, when I first met SC (Sweet Cub) 13 years ago, I knew, even before he told me, that he was younger than I. But, I encouraged (yes, encouraged) the relationship. Why? Because I was attracted (i.e., sexuality) to his youth (i.e., immortality). Like a vampire, I could, by association, feel more attractive and younger. Voila! Big Duh! Not unlike the attraction to the cult of vampires.
WHY IS IT THAT...
We continue to seek immortality, even as we realize we're born to die? Is it the desire for immortality that creates art, success, inventions... and children? Perhaps, like most fairytales, the cult of vampires teaches us a life lesson, which is that, in order to be immortal, we must succeed at something worth remembering.
With love and a wish that each of us attains some form of immortality,
-- Marilyn
WHY IS IT THAT...
We continue to seek immortality, even as we realize we're born to die? Is it the desire for immortality that creates art, success, inventions... and children? Perhaps, like most fairytales, the cult of vampires teaches us a life lesson, which is that, in order to be immortal, we must succeed at something worth remembering.
With love and a wish that each of us attains some form of immortality,
-- Marilyn
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Cubs' Town Says Bring on the Cougars
I don't know about you, but I kinda' outgrew the Miss America Pageant when I was about 12. I thought it was full of plastic women in plastic bodies saying dumb, plastic things. Get my drift?
Now, along comes the 2nd Annual National Cougar Convention (June 26, 2010). Where else? Chicago, home of the Cubs. Cute.
The host, Rich Gosse (50/60-ish singles spokesman and author) will preside over the event and a new Ms. Cougar will be voted upon by a bunch of Cubs in the audience.
If you're curious, check out more info about the event at http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/jane-of-all-trades/2010/06/come-to-momma--cougar-convention-comes-to-chicago.html. Truthfully, it sounds like a great way for Chicago to promote itself, and it likely will display beautiful women 35+. Display is the problem.
Sexy, attractive women in serious Cougar relationships deserve better than being put on display. What would the Great Queen Eliz (who married a man 30 years her junior) think about this? The amazing actress, Ruth Gordon, who also married (and remained with for 42 years) a younger man, is probably trying to claw her way out of the grave in order to pounce on Messrs. Gosse and Cubs with fangs bared. And Demi, dear Demi, what do you think of this? (Well, maybe Demi doesn't give 2 sh*ts about it.)
WHY IS IT THAT...
There are no Mr. America, Mr. Senior America, Mr. Teen America pageants, Mr. Dumb but Cute America? Hmmm... I don't think men would stand for such bullsh*t. It's OK to be Mr. Universe (do they still have those?), because it's all brawn. But real men? Real men wouldn't stand for being paraded around in tight trunks to be voted on for their looks and boobs (I mean abs). Cougars of America -- it's time to let the world know we're more than a nice-to-look-at package and that there's a lot of wisdom behind those well-coiffed heads.
To all my friends and "frenemies": Stand strong against demeaning labels!
Love to all,
Marilyn
Now, along comes the 2nd Annual National Cougar Convention (June 26, 2010). Where else? Chicago, home of the Cubs. Cute.
The host, Rich Gosse (50/60-ish singles spokesman and author) will preside over the event and a new Ms. Cougar will be voted upon by a bunch of Cubs in the audience.
If you're curious, check out more info about the event at http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/jane-of-all-trades/2010/06/come-to-momma--cougar-convention-comes-to-chicago.html. Truthfully, it sounds like a great way for Chicago to promote itself, and it likely will display beautiful women 35+. Display is the problem.
Sexy, attractive women in serious Cougar relationships deserve better than being put on display. What would the Great Queen Eliz (who married a man 30 years her junior) think about this? The amazing actress, Ruth Gordon, who also married (and remained with for 42 years) a younger man, is probably trying to claw her way out of the grave in order to pounce on Messrs. Gosse and Cubs with fangs bared. And Demi, dear Demi, what do you think of this? (Well, maybe Demi doesn't give 2 sh*ts about it.)
WHY IS IT THAT...
There are no Mr. America, Mr. Senior America, Mr. Teen America pageants, Mr. Dumb but Cute America? Hmmm... I don't think men would stand for such bullsh*t. It's OK to be Mr. Universe (do they still have those?), because it's all brawn. But real men? Real men wouldn't stand for being paraded around in tight trunks to be voted on for their looks and boobs (I mean abs). Cougars of America -- it's time to let the world know we're more than a nice-to-look-at package and that there's a lot of wisdom behind those well-coiffed heads.
To all my friends and "frenemies": Stand strong against demeaning labels!
Love to all,
Marilyn
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Why Some Girls Grow Up to Be Cougars, or The Tiger Woods Syndrome
"Any time a woman steps out of line and does something society doesn't think is proper all hell breaks loose."
Why Cougars Will Prevail
Why Cougars Will Prevail
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Meet My Mother
Last week I told you what happened when Sweet Cub (SC) met my son. Whew! I was so glad when that was over.
"OK love," SC said, "now I'd like you to meet my family." Umm... why? At this point in our relationship I didn't see the need to meet his family. After all, we were now a couple for a mere 3 months. What's the hurry?
Rats! SC didn't see it that way. "Hey doll, I had to deal with the stress of meeting your son so he'd know I wasn't some weirdo trying to bilk you out of your 401k, so now it's your turn to show my mom that you're not a vampire sucking the best years of my life from me. (NB: unfortunately, before she and I met, his mom really thought that I was a daughter of Dracula.)
WHY IS IT THAT...
...meet the parents is so filled with emotions like Dread, Anguish, Fear, Loathing (usually of self, because, how will you -- a mere mortal -- be able to match the expectations of parents dating their darling?).
So when the dreadful day arrived I decided to dress appropriately, like a teenager, in shorts and a t-shirt. We planned to have Sunday dinner at his mom's house. It was a hot, soggy August day, so a dress, heels and a beehive updo would not be appropriate.
Dinner would include his mom, sister, SC and I. I figured that I would be the Sunday roast. Actually, it turned out fine. Sure, I was grilled about where I work, what I did, how old was I, were my parents still alive, how old was I, where was I born, do I have children, how old was I... do I have grandchildren? Yikes, the BIG question. "Yes, I have two. See, SC's mom, you could be a great-grandma, instantly!" Of course, I didn't say that. I'm not cruel (nor was I even remotely interested in marrying. Marriage is not generally reserved for Cougars.)
Like son and SC, Mom and I have made peace with one another. After all, we've had 13 years to work on it.
COUGARS IN THE NEWS
My Blog friend (The Angry List, www.angrylist.blogspot.com) sent me an article that originally appeared in Woman's Day magazine. Woman's Day! The bastion of all that's holy in wedlock and traditional couplings wrote a story about Cougars! And it was positive!
The article, "Do Relationships Between Older Women and Younger Men Work", [http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/relationships/1058110/Do-relationships-between-older-women-and-younger-men-work],quotes that "Older women have had relationships with younger men since history began. But in the past only aristocratic, rich, famous or powerful women were able to do so and survive the condemnation from society," says Valerie Gibson, author of Cougar, A Guide For Older Women Dating Younger Men (www.valeriegibson.com)." The article, along with some other interesting data suggests, just like more traditional relationships, a Cougar/Cub relationship will work only if two people are honest, open and transparent with one another. Duh!
Dear friends, I hope all your relationships are honest, open and transparent, cuz those are the only one's that will work.
With love to all,
Marilyn
"OK love," SC said, "now I'd like you to meet my family." Umm... why? At this point in our relationship I didn't see the need to meet his family. After all, we were now a couple for a mere 3 months. What's the hurry?
Rats! SC didn't see it that way. "Hey doll, I had to deal with the stress of meeting your son so he'd know I wasn't some weirdo trying to bilk you out of your 401k, so now it's your turn to show my mom that you're not a vampire sucking the best years of my life from me. (NB: unfortunately, before she and I met, his mom really thought that I was a daughter of Dracula.)
WHY IS IT THAT...
...meet the parents is so filled with emotions like Dread, Anguish, Fear, Loathing (usually of self, because, how will you -- a mere mortal -- be able to match the expectations of parents dating their darling?).
So when the dreadful day arrived I decided to dress appropriately, like a teenager, in shorts and a t-shirt. We planned to have Sunday dinner at his mom's house. It was a hot, soggy August day, so a dress, heels and a beehive updo would not be appropriate.
Dinner would include his mom, sister, SC and I. I figured that I would be the Sunday roast. Actually, it turned out fine. Sure, I was grilled about where I work, what I did, how old was I, were my parents still alive, how old was I, where was I born, do I have children, how old was I... do I have grandchildren? Yikes, the BIG question. "Yes, I have two. See, SC's mom, you could be a great-grandma, instantly!" Of course, I didn't say that. I'm not cruel (nor was I even remotely interested in marrying. Marriage is not generally reserved for Cougars.)
Like son and SC, Mom and I have made peace with one another. After all, we've had 13 years to work on it.
COUGARS IN THE NEWS
My Blog friend (The Angry List, www.angrylist.blogspot.com) sent me an article that originally appeared in Woman's Day magazine. Woman's Day! The bastion of all that's holy in wedlock and traditional couplings wrote a story about Cougars! And it was positive!
The article, "Do Relationships Between Older Women and Younger Men Work", [http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/relationships/1058110/Do-relationships-between-older-women-and-younger-men-work],quotes that "Older women have had relationships with younger men since history began. But in the past only aristocratic, rich, famous or powerful women were able to do so and survive the condemnation from society," says Valerie Gibson, author of Cougar, A Guide For Older Women Dating Younger Men (www.valeriegibson.com)." The article, along with some other interesting data suggests, just like more traditional relationships, a Cougar/Cub relationship will work only if two people are honest, open and transparent with one another. Duh!
Dear friends, I hope all your relationships are honest, open and transparent, cuz those are the only one's that will work.
With love to all,
Marilyn
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
When Alpha Males Meet
Last week a study was published in a Canadian newspaper that concluded women who married younger men died earlier than anticipated. (My thought is, then don't get married; just enjoy the moments together -- duh!)
I loved reading the response to this study on The Real Cougar Women blog at: http://www.therealcougarwoman.com/2010/05/young-men-can-kill-ya.html. The blogger of The Real Cougar Women, Linda Franklin, essentially says "bullcrap" to this theory.
All I know is, since I've been with Sweet Cub (13 years), I've been healthy, and happy. (Maybe it's because we're not married and continue to have separate living arrangements.) Except for a few disasters based on our age difference, we've never had anyone take exception to our relationship -- and we've maintained a healthy balance of friendship among peers so that he can watch TV with other Cubs while I go off to a museum or theater with my gorgeous over-40/50/60 women friends.
Getting back to disasters, the biggest one was the first time Sweet Cub met Son. Since there's less than a decade in years between them I figured I might encounter some snarling and sniffing when these Alpha Males met.
WHY IS IT THAT...
...sons, especially, think their divorced moms (or, for that matter, moms still married to the same old guy who sired sons) should head to a nunnery after 40, rather than dabble in romance?
When I suggested breakfast so that Son and Cub could meet one another, both grudgingly agreed. Son mumbled something under his breath that sounded like, "I'd be happier if you said you were introducing me to your Lesbian friend," and Sweet Cub said, not so sweetly, "Let's make it a quickie at McDonald's."
I could already sense this would go quite well.
On a sultry morning in late August, 1997, at a Big Boy (Hah! The irony.) Restaurant the three of us met for breakfast. There was a lot of positioning and posturing. Little was said. They glared at one another and snarled comments when asked to pass the butter or discuss world events. This continued for about 45 minutes. Despite the air-conditioning that kept the butter at refrigerated temperature, my menopausal self was sweating through a white t-shirt. The sweat was freezing on my skin and I had goosebumps the size of the egg yolks on my plate. I wondered if we would all survive this debacle when Son said, "Hey, nice to meet you, gotta' go." Relief. On the way home, Sweet Cub said, "I think that went pretty well, don't you?"
The breakfast meeting was never mentioned again. Fortunately, Son lives a couple hours away, and both men in my life only see one another about three or four times a year. They sort of have a kind of male conversation now. But they're still wary and territorial around one another. I don't think they'll ever really be close buds.
To all my Cougar friends and friends of Cougars, let's realize one thing: our adult children will never understand or care to discuss the lives of Mom Cougars.
With love to all,
Marilyn
I loved reading the response to this study on The Real Cougar Women blog at: http://www.therealcougarwoman.com/2010/05/young-men-can-kill-ya.html. The blogger of The Real Cougar Women, Linda Franklin, essentially says "bullcrap" to this theory.
All I know is, since I've been with Sweet Cub (13 years), I've been healthy, and happy. (Maybe it's because we're not married and continue to have separate living arrangements.) Except for a few disasters based on our age difference, we've never had anyone take exception to our relationship -- and we've maintained a healthy balance of friendship among peers so that he can watch TV with other Cubs while I go off to a museum or theater with my gorgeous over-40/50/60 women friends.
Getting back to disasters, the biggest one was the first time Sweet Cub met Son. Since there's less than a decade in years between them I figured I might encounter some snarling and sniffing when these Alpha Males met.
WHY IS IT THAT...
...sons, especially, think their divorced moms (or, for that matter, moms still married to the same old guy who sired sons) should head to a nunnery after 40, rather than dabble in romance?
When I suggested breakfast so that Son and Cub could meet one another, both grudgingly agreed. Son mumbled something under his breath that sounded like, "I'd be happier if you said you were introducing me to your Lesbian friend," and Sweet Cub said, not so sweetly, "Let's make it a quickie at McDonald's."
I could already sense this would go quite well.
On a sultry morning in late August, 1997, at a Big Boy (Hah! The irony.) Restaurant the three of us met for breakfast. There was a lot of positioning and posturing. Little was said. They glared at one another and snarled comments when asked to pass the butter or discuss world events. This continued for about 45 minutes. Despite the air-conditioning that kept the butter at refrigerated temperature, my menopausal self was sweating through a white t-shirt. The sweat was freezing on my skin and I had goosebumps the size of the egg yolks on my plate. I wondered if we would all survive this debacle when Son said, "Hey, nice to meet you, gotta' go." Relief. On the way home, Sweet Cub said, "I think that went pretty well, don't you?"
The breakfast meeting was never mentioned again. Fortunately, Son lives a couple hours away, and both men in my life only see one another about three or four times a year. They sort of have a kind of male conversation now. But they're still wary and territorial around one another. I don't think they'll ever really be close buds.
To all my Cougar friends and friends of Cougars, let's realize one thing: our adult children will never understand or care to discuss the lives of Mom Cougars.
With love to all,
Marilyn
Monday, May 24, 2010
Are We Either Crone or Cougar? Madonna or Whore?
For centuries women have been labeled. And we're still doing it today!
Comments received from my first blog (May 17, 2010) varied from "You go, girl," to "The attributes of Cougar are negative; I would never consider being a Cougar."
I prefer to share the positive attributes of a Cougar: Strong, Defender of self and family against predators, Graceful.
WHY IS IT THAT ...
A woman of a certain age is often labeled a Crone or a Cougar.Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) labels Crone as an old woman who is usually disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructing. Hmmm... sounds like a former mother-in-law. Wikipedia goes on to say that a Crone is marginalized by her exclusion from the reproductive cycle, and ...as a character type, the crone shares characteristics with the hag. No thankee... I'll pass on that one!
Linda Lowen, writing for About.com, says, "Although the term 'cougar' has become synonymous with older women who date younger men, its predatory image is neither accurate nor acceptable in the opinion of many women tagged with the label."(http://womensissues.about.com/od/womensbodiesminds/a/DontCallMeaCougar.htm), She goes on to say, "It's a stereotype of a woman who's looking for younger men for casual sex which is how the term started originally. I think there's so much more to it than that. The attraction is an enormous part a relationship but sometimes two people can be attracted to each other because they have so much in common." If labels are necessary, I prefer being called Cougar.
When I was growing up there was the whole stereotype of Madonna/Whore. Having religious undertones, this label caused a large population of sexually frustrated people (both men AND women) who were raised to believe that sexual activity or just being sexy is a dirty and shameful act, and a society where both men and women have been led to believe that women have to either be complete prudes or totally promiscuous. You can read more on the Urban Dictionary site:(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=madonna-whore%20complex). In the 1950s, what girl wanted to be labeled a whore! So, many of us were labeled Madonnas (keep in mind, this was before Madonna, the ultimate Cougar, hit the pop scene). This stereotype did little to mitigate the growing divorce rate in the 1970s -- and probably did help to encourage the sexual revolution.
Maybe it's time to just drop labels and stereotypes and let people be individuals. However, if a woman chooses a younger mate and Cougar is the best name we can come up with, let it be.
COUGAR BEAUTY TIP
When I was in my teens, like many young women growing up in the 1950s and '60s, my BFF (today's teen speak for Best Friend Forever) and I would bake for hours in the sun. Bad move, because now I have pores large as potholes. But tanned, taut skin is often considered an asset, even today. Taut is still a fighting-the-battle issue for me, but with self-tanners we can all look marvelously tanned -- minus the crone.
I'm not into being tanned year-round. Ye Gads, last I looked there's no Sugar Daddy in sight and I want to look like I attempt to work for a living. But, come the warmer months I want my legs to look less like marshmallows and more like legs a Cougar would be proud of. So, around mid-May I begin flirting with self-tanners.
This year I think I've found self-tanner Nirvana. It comes at a price (however, it's less than a salon spray tan). Clarins Delicious Self Tanning Cream ($42.00 at www.Amazon.com, www.Sephora.com and major department stores) is my go-to self-tanner in a jar. It smells great. It feels like whipped cream when applied. It has a built-in glow from moisturizers and it goes on evenly because there's cocoa in the mix. The cocoa blend also provides an instant "tan." The only downside is you have to wait about 20 minutes to a half hour before dressing. I slather it on sparingly before applying makeup and then get dressed.
With love
I, Cougar
Marilyn
Comments received from my first blog (May 17, 2010) varied from "You go, girl," to "The attributes of Cougar are negative; I would never consider being a Cougar."
I prefer to share the positive attributes of a Cougar: Strong, Defender of self and family against predators, Graceful.
WHY IS IT THAT ...
A woman of a certain age is often labeled a Crone or a Cougar.Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.com) labels Crone as an old woman who is usually disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner, often with magical or supernatural associations that can make her either helpful or obstructing. Hmmm... sounds like a former mother-in-law. Wikipedia goes on to say that a Crone is marginalized by her exclusion from the reproductive cycle, and ...as a character type, the crone shares characteristics with the hag. No thankee... I'll pass on that one!
Linda Lowen, writing for About.com, says, "Although the term 'cougar' has become synonymous with older women who date younger men, its predatory image is neither accurate nor acceptable in the opinion of many women tagged with the label."(http://womensissues.about.com/od/womensbodiesminds/a/DontCallMeaCougar.htm), She goes on to say, "It's a stereotype of a woman who's looking for younger men for casual sex which is how the term started originally. I think there's so much more to it than that. The attraction is an enormous part a relationship but sometimes two people can be attracted to each other because they have so much in common." If labels are necessary, I prefer being called Cougar.
When I was growing up there was the whole stereotype of Madonna/Whore. Having religious undertones, this label caused a large population of sexually frustrated people (both men AND women) who were raised to believe that sexual activity or just being sexy is a dirty and shameful act, and a society where both men and women have been led to believe that women have to either be complete prudes or totally promiscuous. You can read more on the Urban Dictionary site:(http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=madonna-whore%20complex). In the 1950s, what girl wanted to be labeled a whore! So, many of us were labeled Madonnas (keep in mind, this was before Madonna, the ultimate Cougar, hit the pop scene). This stereotype did little to mitigate the growing divorce rate in the 1970s -- and probably did help to encourage the sexual revolution.
Maybe it's time to just drop labels and stereotypes and let people be individuals. However, if a woman chooses a younger mate and Cougar is the best name we can come up with, let it be.
COUGAR BEAUTY TIP
When I was in my teens, like many young women growing up in the 1950s and '60s, my BFF (today's teen speak for Best Friend Forever) and I would bake for hours in the sun. Bad move, because now I have pores large as potholes. But tanned, taut skin is often considered an asset, even today. Taut is still a fighting-the-battle issue for me, but with self-tanners we can all look marvelously tanned -- minus the crone.
I'm not into being tanned year-round. Ye Gads, last I looked there's no Sugar Daddy in sight and I want to look like I attempt to work for a living. But, come the warmer months I want my legs to look less like marshmallows and more like legs a Cougar would be proud of. So, around mid-May I begin flirting with self-tanners.
This year I think I've found self-tanner Nirvana. It comes at a price (however, it's less than a salon spray tan). Clarins Delicious Self Tanning Cream ($42.00 at www.Amazon.com, www.Sephora.com and major department stores) is my go-to self-tanner in a jar. It smells great. It feels like whipped cream when applied. It has a built-in glow from moisturizers and it goes on evenly because there's cocoa in the mix. The cocoa blend also provides an instant "tan." The only downside is you have to wait about 20 minutes to a half hour before dressing. I slather it on sparingly before applying makeup and then get dressed.
With love
I, Cougar
Marilyn
Monday, May 17, 2010
This is my first time, so be understanding
Okay, My first evah post. Be kind. Be generous. Tell me what you'd like me to do!
Right now life for Cougars is dangerous. According to this Sunday's (May 16, 2010) New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/16/fashion/16cougar.htm, Google has recently deemed Cougar dating sites “non-family safe,” and therefore its ads for such sites containing the word “cougar” will not be allowed on so-called content pages. There's a lot of controversy as to why. Much of it explained in the NY Times article.
Mostly, I believe it's the same old double standard baby-boomer women have been experiencing since before the Revolution (i.e., the 1970s Women's Liberation Movement, second only to the first, which was when women were given the right to vote).
Enough kvetching. This blog is not going to be about picking scabs covering old wounds. It's going to be fun, irreverent, and talk about the vanities, delights, downsides and, yes, worrisome concerns I've had (and still have) as a Cougar (yep, I'll talk about keeping saggy triceps and other saggy parts in place).
My Cougar life began in 1997 when I started dating a man who is 16 years younger than me. Sixteen years ago the term Cougar didn't exist. Although, as the foremother of it all, Cher was doin' it. What's happened in those 16 years and what's happening now will be the theme of my blog. Please sign in and sign up. Invite your friends. Invite your enemies. Invite your frenemies. Share your thoughts with others. Because, despite the warning label, I do not think Cougars will vanishing any time soon.
To life after sugar daddy,
Marilyn
Right now life for Cougars is dangerous. According to this Sunday's (May 16, 2010) New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/16/fashion/16cougar.htm, Google has recently deemed Cougar dating sites “non-family safe,” and therefore its ads for such sites containing the word “cougar” will not be allowed on so-called content pages. There's a lot of controversy as to why. Much of it explained in the NY Times article.
Mostly, I believe it's the same old double standard baby-boomer women have been experiencing since before the Revolution (i.e., the 1970s Women's Liberation Movement, second only to the first, which was when women were given the right to vote).
Enough kvetching. This blog is not going to be about picking scabs covering old wounds. It's going to be fun, irreverent, and talk about the vanities, delights, downsides and, yes, worrisome concerns I've had (and still have) as a Cougar (yep, I'll talk about keeping saggy triceps and other saggy parts in place).
My Cougar life began in 1997 when I started dating a man who is 16 years younger than me. Sixteen years ago the term Cougar didn't exist. Although, as the foremother of it all, Cher was doin' it. What's happened in those 16 years and what's happening now will be the theme of my blog. Please sign in and sign up. Invite your friends. Invite your enemies. Invite your frenemies. Share your thoughts with others. Because, despite the warning label, I do not think Cougars will vanishing any time soon.
To life after sugar daddy,
Marilyn
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